Airport security gone mad
“It’s the times we live in.” That’s what the police said, as they threw a passenger in jail for joking about blowing up an airport on Twitter. Paul Chambers was due to fly out of Robin Hood Airport in January, but a snowstorm had put his trip in jeopardy. He tweeted to his 600 followers: “C**p! Robin Hood Airport is closed. You’ve got a week and a bit to get your s**t together, otherwise I’m blowing the airport sky high!” His online friends clearly took these as the words of a frustrated passenger rather than a determined terrorist, but that’s not how the courts saw it. Chambers was convicted of sending a menacing message and ordered to pay £600 costs, a £385 fine and a £15 victim surcharge. He also lost his job as a trainee accountant. No laughing matter.
So remember, a sense of humour isn’t welcome in an airport these days. Here are my top tips to avoid creating your own ridiculous security scare.
1. Don’t wear a T-shirt with a picture of a weapon on it.
You’ll be made to take it off. That’s what happened to a friend of the stand up comic Russell Brand on a flight out of America. The security staff took a strong line against the gun design on his T-shirt and refused to let him pass. As Russell says, it’s not quite clear where the danger lay. “It’s a drawing of a gun; it’s not a real gun. What did they think he was going to do? Shoot Bugs Bunny? Execute Henry’s Cat?”
2. Don’t hide a water pistol in your luggage.
It’ll be confiscated, even if it’s stuffed with sweeties rather than bullets. A 6 year old girl had her bags seized at Cape Town when staff spotted a pink plastic water pistol on the security scan. Kelly Vinnicombe and her mother had to register the super soaker as a firearm and have it checked by experts before she was allowed to return to Britain with her toy.
3. Don’t travel with honey
Another dangerous item – which sent two baggage handlers to hospital. They were investigating bottles of suspicious orange liquids at a California airport when they caught a whiff of the fumes and became nauseous. Doctors confirmed they were “just nervous” and the substance turned out to be honey.
4. Don’t stuff your shoes with batteries and shrapnel to make yourself look taller
It can’t be too comfortable, but that was the explanation given by a man at a Toronto airport when he was stopped with “suspicious materials” in his boots. Police feared he had stuffed them with explosives, but he was released without charge after convincing them that it was just a sneaky way of adding a few inches to his height.
5. Don’t let your lover jump the security barrier for one last kiss
Newark Airport was shut down after a man slipped through a security cordon whilst the officer on duty was taking a phone call. A bystander raised the alarm and there was a full scale alert that led to thousands of passengers being stranded for hours. The man was never found, but he was picked up by video cameras at the scene, embracing his girlfriend on the other side of the barrier and sauntering off with her, hand in hand. You can see the video below.
Funny airport videos
If you’re off to the airport, you’re probably looking forward to having some fun on your holidays, but the process of getting there can sometimes be a bit of a laugh in itself. For some light relief, here are 5 of the funniest airport videos we could find.
Air Rage
Anyone who’s ever missed a plane can sympathise with the way this woman feels…anger, frustration, disbelief…but I think this reaction is more likely to get you escorted from the building than onto the plane!
The scene takes place in Hong Kong International Airport, but there are English subtitles so you can appreciate the full force of this temper tantrum. I feel sorry for the family members, who are clearly very embarrassed!
Yorkshire Airlines
Comedy duo Hale & Pace give us a vivid picture of what it would be like to fly with Yorkshire Airlines.
Passengers could expect mushy peas with everything and an outdoor loo…hopefully they wouldn’t want to travel too far!
Your Attention Please
Aussie tricksters the Chasers have an open mike session at the departure gate for Qantas Airways.
They start making announcements over the tannoy at an unattended desk, expecting to be thrown out immediately. But the joke goes on longer than they had planned!
No Frills Airline
It seems like everything on board costs extra these days. Check out this sketch from the American show Mad TV.
It’s a nightmarish parody of a flight on a low cost airline, where the priority is to rinse the passengers of every last penny rather than to keep them safe!
Rap on the knuckles
This man found a unique way of delivering his complaint about Heathrow’s new Terminal 5…thankfully, things seem to be functioning much better out there these days.
He was one of the unfortunate passengers to travel through the terminal when there were teething problems with the luggage system. On the way to his wedding in Italy, the bags containing his suit and his wife’s dress were lost in transit. This was a real disaster on one of the most important days of their lives – but he’s managed to keep a sense of humour about it!
We’d like to hear from you!
Have you ever felt like throwing a fully-fledged tantrum in the middle of the airport like the lady in the video? Do you know of any other funny airport videos? Please leave your comments in the box below.