Airport security gone mad
“It’s the times we live in.” That’s what the police said, as they threw a passenger in jail for joking about blowing up an airport on Twitter. Paul Chambers was due to fly out of Robin Hood Airport in January, but a snowstorm had put his trip in jeopardy. He tweeted to his 600 followers: “C**p! Robin Hood Airport is closed. You’ve got a week and a bit to get your s**t together, otherwise I’m blowing the airport sky high!” His online friends clearly took these as the words of a frustrated passenger rather than a determined terrorist, but that’s not how the courts saw it. Chambers was convicted of sending a menacing message and ordered to pay £600 costs, a £385 fine and a £15 victim surcharge. He also lost his job as a trainee accountant. No laughing matter.
So remember, a sense of humour isn’t welcome in an airport these days. Here are my top tips to avoid creating your own ridiculous security scare.
1. Don’t wear a T-shirt with a picture of a weapon on it.
You’ll be made to take it off. That’s what happened to a friend of the stand up comic Russell Brand on a flight out of America. The security staff took a strong line against the gun design on his T-shirt and refused to let him pass. As Russell says, it’s not quite clear where the danger lay. “It’s a drawing of a gun; it’s not a real gun. What did they think he was going to do? Shoot Bugs Bunny? Execute Henry’s Cat?”
2. Don’t hide a water pistol in your luggage.
It’ll be confiscated, even if it’s stuffed with sweeties rather than bullets. A 6 year old girl had her bags seized at Cape Town when staff spotted a pink plastic water pistol on the security scan. Kelly Vinnicombe and her mother had to register the super soaker as a firearm and have it checked by experts before she was allowed to return to Britain with her toy.
3. Don’t travel with honey
Another dangerous item – which sent two baggage handlers to hospital. They were investigating bottles of suspicious orange liquids at a California airport when they caught a whiff of the fumes and became nauseous. Doctors confirmed they were “just nervous” and the substance turned out to be honey.
4. Don’t stuff your shoes with batteries and shrapnel to make yourself look taller
It can’t be too comfortable, but that was the explanation given by a man at a Toronto airport when he was stopped with “suspicious materials” in his boots. Police feared he had stuffed them with explosives, but he was released without charge after convincing them that it was just a sneaky way of adding a few inches to his height.
5. Don’t let your lover jump the security barrier for one last kiss
Newark Airport was shut down after a man slipped through a security cordon whilst the officer on duty was taking a phone call. A bystander raised the alarm and there was a full scale alert that led to thousands of passengers being stranded for hours. The man was never found, but he was picked up by video cameras at the scene, embracing his girlfriend on the other side of the barrier and sauntering off with her, hand in hand. You can see the video below.